22Sep

7 Questions to Ask on Date Night (From a Pastor & a Therapist)

I have written about the need for married couples to have a regular date night on several occasions. (See: Nobody Owes You Happiness and Who Has Better Sex?) However, I realized that I never really discussed practical advice about what to do on date night.

So, I asked my friend and licensed marriage and family therapist, Carrie Feero to help me come up with some practical advice for date night newbies. Carrie has more letters after her last name than Jarrod Saltalamacchia has on the back of his baseball jersey so you know she’s good. If you’re in the River Valley area you can schedule a counseling appointment with Carrie by clicking here and/or follow her blog here.

Two quick thoughts before we get started.

  1. Date night as discussed in the questions below is specifically focused on married couples. If you’re not there yet, read here: How to Date as a Christian.
  2. Date night is not a substitute for counseling. If your marriage is unhealthy, date night is not the solution and can actually cause some harm if you view it as such. See: 13 Questions to Gauge if You Need Marriage Counseling.

If date night is unfamiliar for you or if it has simply been far too long, our hope is that these questions can be a great starting point to have a meaningful evening together!

7 Questions to Ask on Date Night

(Stay tuned for part two of this series, “7 Questions to NEVER Ask on Date Night”)

  • If you could only have 3 things on a deserted island, what would you pick?

Asking questions like this (and even funny ‘Would You Rather’ questions) help you learn more about your spouse in a fun and playful way. Not all questions during date night have to be super serious; it’s a time to play, have fun, and grow together.

  • What can I do to make you feel loved?

Sometimes being upfront and asking can be the greatest way to get feedback on how to love and serve your partner. When answering, it’s important to remember kindness, compassion, and humility – this is not a list of demands or time to criticize potential past mistakes.

  • What are some of your favorite days in our marriage so far?

Revisiting memories can be a great way to spark up feelings and moments of connection that you had perhaps forgotten. These memories don’t have to be big landmark moments like anniversaries or trips. It is just as important to celebrate the spontaneous and seemingly mundane, which are much more the norm in any marriage.

  • Who has helped contribute to strengthening our marriage the most?

Thinking and pondering about who has helped pour into your marriage can be a great way to process how far your marriage has come, weaker areas that have become stronger, and how you can continue to grow from this support.

  • If you could describe our life together right now in one word, what would it be? Why?

These relationship inventories can be good ways for each spouse to see how the other is currently perceiving the state of the marriage. It can also be an exercise on gratitude and contentment as you learn, together, how to cultivate an appreciation for where you are in life today, not tomorrow and not the next stage. Today. Together.

  • Where is somewhere you’d love to travel with me?

Dreaming together about future plans can be a fun way to learn more about each other and think about your future together. It’s not just pulling from the past, but living in the present and planning for the future that makes a marriage successful.

  • When have you felt closest to me?

This is helpful for both partners. For one, it helps to revisit and rekindle a time when she/he felt loved and connected. For the other, it helps to remind and refresh what he/she was doing or not doing so it can be repeated again.

Stay tuned for the next post in this series, “7 Questions to NEVER Ask on Date Night”

Feedback: What question would you consider adding to this list?

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About Steven Hill

4 comments

  1. Might add, “is there anything you need from me that you are not receiving?”

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